Kim and I sat there on our bed talking, I had just filled her in on what had been going on since she was gone. I had told her how I had met Gina, DeRondas daughter, I also had told Kim about John and Gina being in love back when John was 17 years old. Kim had many question for me as we sat there and talked. Janet, is that why John lost interest in me back in High School? Kim asked me as she wiped away more tears. I told Kim I believed that may have been the case. I told Kim that should be something she should really ask John. I also told Kim that I could see why he had as Gina was a very beautiful and sensual girl back then and even now. John will not even want to see me and if he does why he would even care about me as he has you and Gina to play with, I am just fat and ugly now, Kim, added as she started to cry even more. Out of the blue we heard John as he said, Kim youre not ugly and you never have been, Sure you may have added a few pounds but having a baby does that to you. We. Then I leapt forward, arms outstretched, onto the frozen lake.The snow and ice before me melted away, dispatched by the heat that wasstill emanating from my body, and I landed on a slick layer of water. Islid forward, the icy touch soothing on my belly, the cold comfortreaching deep into that great factory of life, that space within me wherechildren can be formed, as the wind continued to massage my back, to pushmy shoulders, to drive me forward into the middle of the lake.And then it stopped. The wind just wasn't pushing anymore and I sloweddown until I stopped somewhere near the center of the ice. Only then didI realize I'd been giggling, cackling, screaming the whole time that Islid. The wind was barely in my lungs at all. So I took a deep breath.Then I flipped myself onto my back, and took some more deep breathes.There I was, truly, utterly in the middle of nowhere, a single speck ofhumanity isolated within a vast stretch of wilderness. My arms and legsstretched out, I was.
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